‘Cause sometimes, you need some chocolate christyness in your day
In the name of sweet chocolate baby jesus,
let today be met with a lack of murder by my hands.
Let these people shut the fuck up
And those who smell of cheese use soap before entering this space.
Let no fellow work mate or those in waiting unleash sweaty caterpillars upon my skin
Full of vileness with intent to condemn my soul to fiery, rapey torment
And lo, remind my children to wipe after pooping during this day, so I will not be met with streaky stinky Princess panties upon my return to the home space
Let no sound of bed time rebellion be of aural assault to my being.
“How was your day, Mom”
“Thanks for the twelve hours of bullshit you just put up with to feed us, Mom”
These be the songs of gratitude I desire to hear upon the lips of my sometimes angels tonight.
And I ask that you may gently remind beloved Boyfriend to wash the sheets before his departure to work, as a baby cat peed upon its sheetiness in our sleep.
And to do his fucking dishes.
As I spaketh of kittens, I ask they be shown the fucking litter box, as they are now old enough to use it. Shall they miss, I ask you still my foot so I may not slip in its wrathful goo and break my face. Should I fall, I ask that you remind me of their adorableness, as to not skewer them and make shish kabobs.
Should the kitten skewers commence, I ask that shit be fucking tasty.