Weirder than midget porn. More metal than your mom.

A Hippo, Some Asians, And A Dash Of Adorable Goats

Hello, The Internet.

I almost forgot, I have a blog. And it’s been over three months since I’ve posted.

-oops

My bad. Umm, here, have a hippo.

I have to admit, I have been having a rough go at things. I’ve been stuck in a ‘work and more work and errands and spending all of my free time getting ready for tomorrow’ loop that has mercilessly catapulted me into some dark, murky, life-is-terrible-and-I-hate-everything hole. It was getting so bad that my brain became incapable of using complete sentences and I could only think in angry beeps and clicks, like some sort of malfunctioning, terrible robot who’s primary objective in life was to clean and be at work on time and provide excellent customer service to insufferable blow-hards with runny noses.

 

Yeah, seriously, stereotypical Asian computer guy, this shet has been terriberr.

 

Speaking of Asians, I finally decided to see a ‘thoughts and feelings’ doctor. She sort of reminded me of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, except she was squintier and smiled a lot. She had a very thick accent, and out of the whole hour of her listening to my nonsense, the only thing I was able to understand from her was, “you crazy, here have pills, thank you come again”. At least that’s what I think she said. She could have very well said, “I have busy day, please take this to pharmacy for grandma, bring back and I pay you for errand” and now some poor old lady is out of her Alzheimer’s medicine because I’m taking them with my breakfast. Either way, I’M FEELING MUCH BETTER. Almost human, even, and not so much like the monotone hate robot I described a few sentences back. It ‘s like all the pent up emotions and bullshit I’ve crammed deep into my feelings hole got a moderate fisting, causing everything to flow more fluidly and free, which feels somewhat akin to finding a bathroom after you’ve been driving for hours with a belly full of Taco Bell induced apocalyptic diarrhea. IT’S THAT DELIGHTFUL.

Yeah, I went there. Sorry. It's true though, and I know you know exactly what that feels like.

Yeah, I went there. Sorry. It’s true though, and I’m sure you know exactly what that feels like.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a fucking asshole who is often repulsed by the things most people love and cherish in life, and I’ll probably be like this forever, but now I can at least think in complete sentences and deal with the day to day nonsense with a bit better. You know what this (probably) means? Aside from being more willing to leave my house and interact with day to day fucktards, I’m going to write more. One of the few things in life that bring me pure, unadulterated joy is painting pictures with words and entertaining people in the process. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY, and now I can say it, thanks to being in a state of pharmaceutical-grade happiness and free flowing not-giving-a-fuck.

So, with that, stay tuned. And here is a picture of some goats that are so adorable, it practically hurts my feelings:

goats and shit

 

THE END.

10 responses

  1. skippy

    April 18, 2014 at 5:31 pm

  2. I’m glad you’re doing better, even if it took some drugs to get there :)

    April 18, 2014 at 8:30 pm

  3. Yay! I love pills that make my brain function. For years I was told I had depression. Turns out it was ADD, and I was just sad that I kept doing stupid shit despite being intelligent. Plus leaving the church and a shit husband really helped.

    April 19, 2014 at 7:16 am

  4. I think my feelings hole could use a good fisting, but I’m super glad you’re back on the bloggy spaces again. You’re one of my favorite people to read on the interwebs, so keep up the good drugs and/or work.

    April 19, 2014 at 2:13 pm

  5. Good to see you back!!! I WISH my therapist had drugged me. Would have made that shit go a lot faster. Instead she was all “let’s process your feelings” and shit.

    April 21, 2014 at 9:07 am

    • Oh, she drugged me alright… plans on giving me even more drugs, too. I can’t wait to be a fully doped up functioning member of society.

      April 22, 2014 at 10:09 am

  6. Fuck. Just posted another comment earlier but couldn’t remember my muthafuckin’ WordPress log-in, so may have to repost. SHIT!

    Can’t remember what I just said but think it was something like YOU FUCKING ROCK & I HAVE MISSED YOU & I may have called you a biatch because I love you?! I cannot recall. But regardless, YOU MY GIRL. I’m glad to see you back posting & glad you are feeling better! xoxo

    May 5, 2014 at 9:00 am

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