Weirder than midget porn. More metal than your mom.

Meet The Heart-Pool Invaders

Update from my previous post: I am feeling a bit better. Still slightly discontent with a mild to moderate shitty attitude, but overall better, though my insides are not quite where I want them to be. There’s still a hoard of assholes pissing in my heart-pool, and I’ve accepted that they may be sticking around for a little while longer. It’s okay though. I’m learning a bit about them and have even named a few. For instance, there’s Jimmy you’re-stuck-in-a-mundane-rut Johnson, Karen you-need-a-new-job Miller, Tom being-poor-sucks Wilson, and Kimmy YOU-NEED-TO-WRITE-MORE Jones. There’s also Tiffany your-tits-are-terrible Mcgee and Paula you’re-a-crappy-mom Smith, and fuck those bitches. They’re the worst.

And this is Lee no-sleep-for-you-here-have-some-nightmares Ching.

And this is Lee no-sleep-for-you-here-have-some-nightmares Ching.

Anyways, there are more, but these are the main culprits soiling my emotional state I will say that naming them has helped me understand them in order to devise a plan to drown the mother fuckers, because KNOW YOUR ENEMIES. It’ll be a tricky and painful process for some, but totally worth it when they’re belly-up and not dirtying my heart-pool anymore.

The one I’m looking the most forward to murdering is Ms. Jones, as that entails me simply sitting down and writing more. Not just in this here blog, but just writing for the sake of fucking WRITING. It occurred to me after I finished my last post that I felt a great deal of relief after it was done. I suppose writing is sort of my own sort of emotional masturbation: not quite as releasing as a deep cry, but fun as hell and a bit more personal.

That’s really all I wanted to share. A tremendous thank you to those of you that gave me suggestions on how to feel better. I started to write back to some of you, but I got distracted and forgot what I was doing. So, as a token of my gratitude, here is a hilarious song by Garfunkel and Oates. This video came my way after I had made a comment that a few folks thought was funny on this post from The Bloggess about taking it in the butt for Jesus. My inspiration for the comment was not from this video, as I had only been made aware of it after the fact, rather, I had been reminded of this one time I yelled “OH JESUS” when Caveman and I forgot lube when we were having you know what? Never mind.

This is very NSFW. Enjoy!

The End.

2 responses

  1. Isn’t it odd how naming your assholes can help you deal with them a little bit better? I’m not going to lie to you, writing IS a form of therapy, and I would LOVE for you to do more of it. I have a not-so-secret bloggish crush on you, because every damn time I read something you post, I giggle and then melt inside. That could be the heat and the beer talking right now, but I don’t think it is.

    I don’t know you personally, but I have a feeling that you’re being too hard on yourself right now. When something or someone pisses in your heart-pool, kick them out. Tell Jimmy, Karen, Tom, Kimmy, Tiffany, Paula, and Lee that they are all banned from your heart-pool for life and should kindly go fuck themselves off of a cliff.

    …and they can take the kittens with them.

    July 1, 2013 at 1:52 am

  2. Well, okay, I started to comment but at some point my computer decided it would be a lot funnier if it just CLOSED this tab instead of switching tabs. I guess it was kinda funny, but I had written a whole diatribe about needing to drain my heart pool because cousin Eddie emptied the shitter from his RV in there. I don’t know, it seemed pretty damn funny to me at the time, but maybe my computer had the right idea.

    Anyway… yeah. Heart pool assholes are definitely in abundance these days. Hang in there. And watch for cousin Eddie.

    July 2, 2013 at 11:57 am

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