Vagina Fun Sticks Of Encouraging Things
This picture interrupted everything that I am currently working on right now:
First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Second of all… really?
Do my eyes deceive me? Are these actual blurbs of girl-power nonsense printed on the side of tampon wrappers?
Holy shit. This is fucking brilliant.
And by brilliant, I mean WHAT IN THE DEEP FRIED FUCK IS THIS?
I will say it is rather funny but comedic value aside, these are so damn ridiculous that it’s causing me brain pain.
Does this actually work? Are there women out there who, upon inserting the magical expanding cotton into their lady-bits, look down and see “live fearlessly” on the tattered remains of the wrapper and think, “By golly-gum, this tampon wrapper is right! I WILL live fearlessly!” And they run off and do some courageous thing that they normally wouldn’t be brave enough to do in a million years, ALL THANKS TO A FUCKING TAMPON?? Is this why the fancy ones cost an extra three dollars a box? Because each stick is like you’re own personal life coach reminding you to be awesome? I bet there’s some in there that say, “you go girl” and “boys are dumb girls rule, lol”. That’s the sort of thing we need to see for empowerment when we’re on our periods, ammiright, ladies?
Yeah… didn’t think so.
On another note, when I originally shared this on Facebook, the ever-awesome Jeneral Insanity pointed out that “being unstoppable” was a rather ironic thing to put on a tampon, as stopping things is pretty much the whole point to tampons in the first place. Way to go, brand-name vagina fun sticks. You might as well throw “go with the flow” in there, or some bit about swimming with the stream or some shit. Because when I’m not looking to my lady-parts for encouragement while I’m dealing with my monthly panty-slaughter, I’m swimming in rivers and feeling quite content about it.
I would love to see what knock-off brands would come up with for their tampons. I imagine it would go a little something like this:
1. Don’t get too excited, today will likely be mediocre at best
2. Well, look on the bright side, at least you’re not experiencing an unwanted pregnancy
3. Don’t do that one thing you’re thinking about doing, because you might do it wrong
4. Sing like no one’s listening. Unless you’re a bad singer. Cats have ears, too, you know.
5. Dance like no one’s watching. Unless you don’t have legs. That would be awkward.
6. Keeping your thoughts to yourself is the best way to avoid conflict
7. Thanks, that tampon really needed a hug
8. Good grief, get a hair cut (think about it)
If you have any more unmotivational tidbits that would go great on the side of a generic tampon I’d love to hear them. Remember, SHARING IS CARING.