Weirder than midget porn. More metal than your mom.

23 responses

  1. Aw, the part where your co-worker hands you the needle, priceless! I wish I could stick a stinging needle in one of my douchebag customers. But alas, my opportunities for revenge are so slight as to be imperceptible.

    November 5, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    • I seriously hate how people’s sense of entitlement and general disregard for those around them bring out the sadistic in me. But it warms my heart to know I’m not the only one.

      November 5, 2012 at 11:42 pm

  2. Those silly Gods… They do have the best sense of humor, don’t they? *happy sigh*

    I’ve been out of work for three months now. The three previous years of my working life were spent slaving away in the kitchen at a high-end restaurant. Read: I swear like a dirty pirate hooker and have no tolerance for bullshit from adults anymore.
    I’m going to start a new job this weekend (working for my best friend’s husband) at the mall. For the holiday season…
    AT THE MALL!
    What the bloody blue duck farts was I thinking? (I need a damn job, that’s what.) Someone needs to pray for all the morons that end up looking for sports gear this season…

    November 6, 2012 at 3:39 am

    • I COMMEND YOU.
      I won’t go to a mall for any reason, let alone work in one. I’D PANHANDLE FIRST.
      Okay, not really. You gotta do what you gotta do. But the thought of being inside a mall, especially during the holidays, makes my stomach lurch. GOOD LUCK.

      November 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

  3. That is awesome! So gratifying. I totally agree with the receptionist/admin comment as well. We do the world’s work, and yet the majority of people think we’re uneducated slobs that can’t do “real” jobs. I have a Master’s degree, muthafucker! Step off.

    Also have to say I chuckled at the tag “why did he smell like doritos” because me obvious question would have been why did he smell like old seman. Seriously, you can eat Doritos. How do you gargle day old sperm?

    Wait. Don’t answer that. *glark*

    November 6, 2012 at 8:10 am

    • OMG I can’t even gargle mouthwash let alone old sperms. Gross.

      November 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

  4. *slow clap* This is FANTASTIC. And proof that Karma exists.

    Back when I was working retail in University I was helping an irate customer over the phone and someone who was standing on the other side of my counter waiting for help decided that I was taking too long and reached over the counter and HUNG UP THE PHONE. I almost blew a gasket.

    People are assholes.

    November 6, 2012 at 8:49 am

    • WOW.
      I’ve had people do the whole “I see you’re on the phone and I see that you saw me but I’m going to demand your attention right the fuck now by being a dick and talking to you anyways”, but never had someone reach across and hang up the phone. Now that’s a level of assholeness that deserves a fucking medal.

      November 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

      • I was pretty fucking horrified. And I then had to grovel to the person on the phone who of course immediately called back but how do you explain shit like that? The bitch’s theory was that customers who actually physically come into the store get priority over people long distance.

        November 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

  5. your malicious twinkly fairy would probably maybe Tinkerbell’s ass…although, she can be pretty devious…i bow to the awesome humored gods for giving you that redemption, i totally lived vicariously through your victory

    November 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

    • Seriously, it was so delightful that the joy in my chest almost hurt. It was worth having that guy be a dick.

      November 6, 2012 at 2:16 pm

  6. Wow, you were right, this IS an awesome story! Warms my heart. And so well told, great job, SO FUNNY!

    November 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

    • I figured some folks out there might enjoy it :)

      November 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

  7. Why, oh WHY do I never get opportunities like this? I have worked as a receptionist for 6 years. I’d give just about anything to stab someone with a needle, just once, when they were being an asshole.

    November 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    • I will pray to the Gods of Awesome Redemption that you have your moment ;) We all deserve one from time to time.

      November 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm

  8. yourothermotherhere

    Applause, applause!!!

    November 7, 2012 at 5:41 am

  9. Alternate ending for the next time Karma provides you with this opportunity:

    “There ya go. All fixed up with that Polio vaccine there.”

    “What the fuck? I wasn’t supposed to be getting a Polio vaccine!”

    “You weren’t? Huh. That’s odd. Well, let me get the right injection from the doctor then.”

    “Uh…”

    “Nah, just messin’ with you. Or… was I?”

    November 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

  10. Jo

    He’ll go early during the zombie apocalypse, and then you can beat him senseless with his own arms. I’m so glad you got to stab him even if it was just a needle. I’m going to be thinking about stale sperm now, thank you.

    November 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm

  11. Jesi

    Toradol injections do hurt like a muthaaaaa! Coming from a person with many tattoos and a wide variety of peircings…toradol sucks. All I do at work is stick people with needles, but drawing blood. I have to be more careful with veins than intramuscular injections. Finger sticks however :D Asshole = needle to the tip of your finger, on the fuckin bone.

    November 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

  12. Absolute greatness!

    November 12, 2012 at 10:36 am

  13. I know I’m late coming to the party, but this was awesome. That is all.

    November 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm

  14. If the world was a just place, I would have a backpack full of needles at the ready for all the assholes I encounter on any given day. And I’d be allowed to stick ‘em in the eyeballs.

    December 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

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