Dear Foxy Bitch In Her Sexy Sixties,
You make AARP and liver spots look HOT. That fringed, off the shoulder top that was BEGGING for all of the living creatures within eye-shot to stare at your
empty fun bags chest was off the fuckin’ HOOK.
And s’rsly, where the fuck did you get them bedazzled-ass, low-rise skinny jeans? At the Sexy GILFS-R-US store? Your one stop shop for cat food, Depends, and ALL THINGS SEXY??
And OMG, those giant playboy bunny earrings I saw peeking through your braided, bleached blonde pigtails just SCREAMED cuteness. I wish you were MY grandma so you can teach me ALL OF YOUR FUN WAYS.
I also noticed your pink, shiny, high-heeled sandals that
accented your arthritic toe joints matched your shiny, pink, manicured little piggies as you were prancing around the waiting room, bossing me around like an entitled princess. HOLY MOTHER OF CHOCOLATE BABY JESUS, just how much ENVY do you own from every stripper that crosses your path as you collop-collop your way around town in those? OODLES OF IT, I bet.
And let me just say, your bold eye-shadow and lipstick
monstrosity combo would have even the gnarliest of hookers shake their head in disapproval awe of your… YOU.
Did I say gnarliest? I meant the SEXIEST. ‘Cause you’re a sexy fucking granny. A sexy granny that’s rekindled my fear of cat ladies and aging.
Your nineteen year old hot granddaughter just called. She wants you to stay the hell out of her closet and go bake her some fucking cookies. Like chocolate chip. Or oatmeal and raisin. Or some snickerdoodles. Yes. Stop acting like a ho-bag and bake up some motherfucking snickerdoodles, Grandma.
This entry was posted on July 19, 2012 by bananastick3rs. It was filed under Dear Assholes That Ruin My Day, Work Happenings and was tagged with aarp, cookies, GILFS, go bake some cookies grandma, hookers, liver spots, my god im a bitch, now thats just sad, playboy bunny earrings, princess, stripper grandmas, what the fuck.