Weirder than midget porn. More metal than your mom.

Sad ponies and kittens wearing bow ties. Alternate title: Ummmm……

I’VE LOST MY INSPIRATION.

I can’t find it. I have fucking looked everywhere. Except, you know, wherever it is hiding.

I looked under our bed. I found three socks and Megatron pretending he’s Queen of the Underbed, but that’s it. I looked in our closet. Clothes, shoes, more shoes, and a reminder that I hate purses. BUT NO INSPIRATION.

Bathroom? I checked there, too. I found a  WET TOWEL ON THE FUCKING FLOOR AND A STRIPPED CARDBOARD TUBE WHERE A ROLL OF FUCKING TOILET PAPER IS SUPPOSED TO BE. But that is all.

I even looked in the refridgerator. Just an FYI, if your Inspiration ever goes missing, DON’T LOOK IN THE FRIDGE. Especially if you have ice cream in there. Trust me, Inspiration will not be hiding in the ice cream.

I looked around while I was at work the other day, as I tend to leave stuff in the drawers or in the break room. I thought I was getting close, but I kept getting interrupted by people asking me stupid things and the phone ringing with MORE  people asking me stupid things. Whatever trail I was following that was sure would lead me to Inspiration vanished because ADD and stupid people  like to ruin my day.
Feeling hopeless I resorted to asking Google where I could possibly find Inspiration. Google did not help, but showed me horrible news, adorable baby animals and a picture of a bloated Snooki making a duck face while holding her giant tic of a stomach. I almost stopped my quest to stab my eyeballs with a pen, but thankfully was able to resist. 

I even tried to pick up the guitar and play for a while, thinking Inspiration would come in for a listen. Then I remembered that I can’t play the guitar. So I stopped.

I am getting worried. What if she never comes back? What if she’s gone forever and I’m forced to shuffle through the rest of my days with no Inspiration to liven my thoughts and feelings? That seems like a sad, lonely existence indeed. I’m scared.

Where, dear readers, could she be?

“Pleaze come back kthanksbye.

15 responses

  1. Jo

    That pony is the saddest thing. He’s like the Charlie Brown tree of ponies. Maybe your inspiration is powering up for a big blow-your-mind freak out.

    July 16, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    • Oh crap… I hope not. I don’t know if I’ve recovered from the last freak out.

      July 17, 2012 at 10:20 am

  2. Check in the sock drawer next to the vibrator. PS, you’ve inspired me to put you on my blogroll so at least you’re creating inspiration!

    July 16, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    • FUCK YES! I am happy to have a place on yer blog roll.
      Though I don’t keep my vibrator in my sock drawer, because my kids have no respect for my shit and like to go through my things. Last thing I need is to come home and find them playing “Lets slay the cats and imaginary dragons with this awesome pink sword!” or whatever other awful game they could come up with.

      July 17, 2012 at 10:35 am

  3. I find inspiration tends to hide in bourbon bottles. You have to be persistent, though. Sometimes it hides all the way down at the bottom.

    July 18, 2012 at 11:11 am

    • I checked the whiskey AND the vodka. I may have found her, but I can’t remember….

      July 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm

  4. Indeedy, on my blogroll you go. :) Also, that pony pic is hilarious considering The Bloggess is trying to get a taxedermied pony off of ebay right now…(because yours is not the only blog I stalk).

    I look in the Nutella jar for mine occasionally…just sayin.

    Also, “Megatron, Queen of the Underbed” made me snort water out my nose. Thanks.

    July 18, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    • The Bloggess is so full of AWESOME. Very stalkable.
      You know, I’ve never had Nutella. I hear it is like an edible orgasm (my words, not theirs, but that’s what I’m gathering based on how people talk about it). I want to try it, but I’m scared. I already have enough vices.

      July 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      • Jaaaaaane

        Trust me on this one. DO NOT go to the Nutella. DON’T DO IT!! I resisted for 48 years. I quite smoking Feb ’11 and found Nutella. After 4 jars in a matter of 4 weeks and 10 pounds later, I had to go to rehab. I now view jars of Nutella in the same category as my former brand of cigs. (Capri) Why does everything good in the world have to be bad for you…

        July 23, 2012 at 10:35 am

  5. I like your page layout. Is it different? It is different. It used to be black, right?
    (See, I’m clearly the least racist person ever. I don’t even see colour.)

    INSPIRATION is fucking impossiballs. (Woah. I just made that up. I’m going to coin it. Look, ma, I’m famous for coining ‘impossiballs!’)

    … seriously. I probably should have eaten less sugar before commenting on your blog. TOO fucking bad. :)

    That baby horse made me gasp audibly. I’m not sure what exactly you’re looking for inspiration for, but if it’s finding the cutest pics ever, then you’ve succeeded and can stop trying. Otherwise, it’s probably in the ice cream. You might just need to try another flavour ;)

    July 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    • (omg yay, you’re back!)
      It is different. Dude from “Thoughts From Paris” suggested I go with a lighter backround, ’cause it was hard to read. Glad I took his advice, ’cause the white is better. OMG, or maybe I’M racist for preferring it to be white instead. God, I hope not. I don’t want to be an asshole.
      I love your new word you just coined. That’s what’s so great about the English language. You can just make shit up and IT WORKS.
      Seriously, nothing is impossiballs.

      July 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

  6. kimmyduh

    Inspiration can be sneaky. It sometimes even disappears for long periods of time. But the important thing to remember is that it always comes back. When you least expect it bam! You’ll hear it in a song or see it in a movie or read it on a blog. Just keep in mind that it will find you so don’t look too hard.

    July 21, 2012 at 6:03 am

    • This is very true… in my case, it arrived as a sixty-five or so year old woman dressed as a hooker. I’LL TAKE IT.

      July 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

  7. I looked in the freezer for ice cream—er—inspiration. Even after your warning. I couldn’t help it.

    July 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

    • Hey, you never know… I may have been wrong. Though that seldom happens, nothing wrong with double checking :D

      July 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm

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