Jenny Lawson: YOU ARE INSIDE MY WEEKEND
I was seriously contemplating doing something brave and spontanious and so far removed from my comfort zone that I may as well tear my skin off.
I was thinking about going on a road trip.
This is a big deal, ’cause
I’m fucking terrified of the outside world I never make time to go on trips or do fun things with my little family that require planning and time and money that I technically don’t have but like to pretend I do sometimes. It’s kind of fucked up, really. We aren’t horribly far from fun things like Disney Land, and the Grand Canyon (we live in Arizona for fuck’s sake and have never gone to see it. I feel like that’s just wrong on some level).
When I saw that my most favorite blog lady EVER was doing a book signing in San Francisco for her memoir, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”, I thought, what a great excuse to ATTEMPT AN ADVENTURE. Seriously, I love Jenny Lawson and would love to meet the hell out of her. But Life was all, “fuck you and your vague plans”. Because Life is an asshole. Its all cool though, ’cause Life made up for it by sending me her book A WHOLE DAY EARLY (thanks, Life!). So I’m going to do the next best thing: Turn on Spongebob for the Children and leave out a loaf of bread, some butter*, and maybe a few packs of skittles if they’re good, rip open a bag of cat chow for the animals and tip it over, buy a fat bottle of wine, lock myself in my room and read the shit out of that book. Like a fuckin’ boss.
Weekend plans = SET.
Though I don’t know what to do about Boyfriend. Maybe every time he knocks on the door, I’ll just start sobbing loudly and saying things like “uterus” and, “I want a baby” so he’ll leave me alone.
*Seriously, I would never do that. Butter has no protein or vitamins in it at all. What I meant was PEANUT BUTTER.